I remember the first guy I met with a sex bag. Just a little thing with condoms and lube. I was so impressed.
But now I have a whole ginormous ho bag of my own! And I’ll share with you what it takes to turn a filthy skeeter bit ho into a glamorous escort in under a couple hours. YOU COULD SHARE YOUR HO BAGS TOO!!!! Link in the comments and I’ll move links up here to the top.
This is, yanno, not what would be in a perfect ho bag, but what’s in my actual ho bag.
Four corsets I never wear and boots for outcalls.
Outcall purse, outcall sundress, red scarf to throw over lamp, bag of thongs, bag of lingerie, schoolgirl outfit for my favorite professor...
Condoms, lube, jumbo tea lights (don't forget the lighters).
Wine glasses, 3 corkscrews (why? Cause I couldn't find shit), bag of torture, bag of dildos, deodorant..
6 inch heels. What else could you need?
I also have:
What’s in yours?
I carried the camcorder around with me for a couple months, in the middle of which I broke my hand and was sexually impaired for a bit. As you’ll see though, I worked it out. I put it all together on my computer and it was 3 hours long! Then I cut out all the sucky or unsexy parts. Here are some things you won’t see:
- Me skinning a moose, squatting in a puddle of blood and pulling the heart out of a moose, or any dead animals.
- Lynx tracks.
- Me falling off an icey log.
- Me chopping wood toplessly.
You will see:
- Fire and ice, my favorite things to stare at.
- My nipples at twenty below.
- My funny face making while moving the oil lamp around.
- Me stripping and masturbating by the light of an oil lamp.
It’s just like being in my cabin with me! In the dark winter with no electric lights! Naked!
Here’s what someone I respect a lot said about it:
I LOVE how seductive and soothing your voice is. That’s the first thing I noticed (which is unusual for me because the first thing I usually notice is tits). It’s great how you show the viewer your environment, which I think allows them to feel like they know you a bit and maybe also like a voyeur type thing. It’s cool how you’re not like, fake and pretending to be all into wearing lingerie and doing male-directed porn things. It could definitely appeal to both men and women and I’d probably fap to it if I weren’t bleeding.
And here’s what a lady who I think is a lot like a lot of you said:
Well, let’s start off with: it was effective. I just came. Yay!
I think it’s very charming with the personal bits and the sexy bits mixed together. I might remove the face/lamp bit…
Anyways, I hope you buy it and love it and I make lots more!
Today I’ve been sad thinking about how wonderful my life is and how easily the wrong person stumbling upon the wrong thing on the internet could bring it all tumbling down, even though I’ve built a hell of a foundation on this sky castle People around here mostly fear women’s sexuality and it is scary to think about what people can do out of fear.
I hate to become one of those people who worry about what other people think, and I don’t. I worry about Consequences.
I wanted to tell you about my adventures of late, but I should probably keep them safe from google. The same with pictures I’ve posted elsewhere. Anyways, here’s some pictures:
(Worried about me and the IRS? Erotic hypnosis videos totally came through for me – and they’re way easier to do one handed.)
I was inspired. First thing in the morning after feeding the fire I dragged the generator inside to thaw. It takes a while, because it’s been very frozen for a long time. After a couple hours I drug it out and tried starting it, but the pull start wouldn’t turn, so I drug it back in and put it close to the stove. A little later it started and I hooked it up to the batteries to start the slow trickily charging. This also takes a long time, and by the time it was done the sun was starting to look a little low. I wanted to make some hypnoporn and some ecoporn – hypnoporn in the cabin must be made at the very lightest time of day, while ecoporn can (I think) be made outside.
It took two tanks of generator gas to take the batteries up from 11.4 to 12.8, and then the camcorder was dead, so I plugged it in and then it was dark. What a waste of a day.
The next day I had to walk into the village to get the mail. I brought the camcorder and flashed it along the trail. In a month when it’s much warmer this will be much easier. After the mail I stopped to visit friends, but they weren’t home. I called them on their cell phone from their home phone and they were twenty minutes away and their kid wasn’t even around. “I can use your electricity?” I asked excitedly.
“Sure,” they said. They’re so nice. I’ve been doing this weird using of my friends places for work lately. The other week I took a shower at someone’s house, did my make up and put lingerie and a cute dress on under my dirty carharts, then told her I had to run and do an odd job.
Anyways, I whipped out my camcorder and the script I’d written for hypnoporn – good thing I’d worn my favorite push up bra! I positioned the camera down low looking up so that my boobs were in the foreground and my greasy hair and just-walked-two-hours face were hopefully not so noticeable in the background. When they pulled into their driveway I was just transferring it to my laptop. A couple hours later it was live on the internet and I even got one of those email “jim has just bought your file. You have received $14.” right away!*
So, it turns out hypnoporn is a lot easier to make than ecoporn. I’m gonna keep carrying the camera around with me, capturing beautiful moments, for a week or two, and then try to edit it all together in a beautiful way.
So, uh, keep staying tuned.
* Wanna read about how I make money on the internet with hypnoporns? I made a website! Seven days to sexy passive income.
It’s been a few years, Internet.
I’ve been chopping wood, hauling water, cutting fish, and manifesting money with my body and spirit. I’m a little different than I used to be – older might sum it up. For the last three years I’ve been blogging secretly for paying subscribers and I really liked that. By the end of Hobo Stripper I wasn’t feeling so good about putting everything out there for anyone who might be browsing the internet. Having control of who was reading and how much they monetarily valued my writing was awesome. Not having a more public platform to jettison my thoughts into internet issues was less awesome.
Then the privacy of that blog was compromised and I locked it down tight AND had a great idea about making the best porn ever! I started this site and I figured I’d be the porn I wanted to see and also have a place to tell the internet things. But it turns out good porn is hard to make, good adult payment processors with affiliate programs are impossible to find, and I got distracted by other things.
Tonight I’ve been chopping wood, fixing the handle of the splitting maul, and having an NPR dance party by myself. Hey, it’s the only station I get besides Jesus. I owe the IRS a bunch of money that I don’t have and I don’t feel like going to town again to make it (and really, one shouldn’t do sex work when one doesn’t feel like it). I just re-watched Sequoia’s X Country videos from IShotMyself, which are like the ultimate perfect porn making inspiration. I would find a picture and link you straight to them, but my internet’s slower than dial up, my laptop is going to die in 14 minutes, and the batteries are down to 11.62. Anyways. We should all watch Sequoia’s amazing videos and tomorrow I’m going to run the generator and try again to be the porn I want to see. Which I hope is also the porn that you want to see and the porn that will save me from the IRS.
Hi everybody! Thanks for all your comments on my last post! I’m going to write a whole thing about that. In the meantime, here’s something I wrote about empowerment.
There’s been a lot of interesting talk about the internet lately about empowerment. Someone smart said somewhere (?) that it doesn’t really matter if sex workers are empowered. Workers rights issues are workers rights issues – does anyone care if people are empowered by working at WalMart and does that have anything to do with them getting arrested?
I think I’m just writing about the empowerment thing because it’s this big ol’ buzz word that can be interpreted any which way. Also because I got a letter in the mail the other day from the most amazing of sacred whore friend talking about all the judgement and bad thoughts that bubble up around sex work. How to feel empowered in whore-dom?
verb (used with object)
1.to give power or authority to; authorize, especially by legal or official means: I empowered my agent to make the deal for me. The local ordinance empowers the board of health to close unsanitary restaurants.
2.to enable or permit: Wealth empowered him to live a comfortable life.
I use sex work to get money. Money, in our culture (not in reality), is power. It’s a warm place to sleep, organic food, private schools, attentive medical care, and all the iPads you’ll ever want. Or it can be a way to buy land and ditch capitalism. Money is also a way to determine value in a free market system.
(I remember once upon a time, a drunken bartender in a West Virginia strip club shaking her tip jar at me after a cop threatened us with new legislation again. “You know why those people hate me? You know how much money I make? Those assholes have to go to school for years and kiss ass every day of their lives and they still don’t make as much as me!”)
Sex work empowers me because it gives me money, which is power. I have land, solar panels, a boat with a good engine that has a warranty, and a truck that’ll last me the rest of my life or until civilization collapses because of sex work. I’m empowered to live a life I love and spend most of my days walking in the woods, cutting wood, and hauling water, because of sex work.
Our culture says that my sexuality is valuable. According to the free market system, my sexual attention is worth about three times as much as a lawyer’s legal attention or a doctor’s medical attention. We value doctors and lawyers because they are smart, and we give them money (power) because they took their smartness to school for almost a decade. We value me because I’ve spent my life becoming awesome. Also I read a book about marketing.
Respect is another way of giving and receiving power in our culture. Whores don’t get so much of that, but when Rush Limbaugh calls us names* it’s because he’s jealous of our empowerment.
* Actually, I’m kinda confused about this Rush Limbaugh thing. Did he just call us prostitutes? Why do we care? I’m without teevee, but I’m being contemporary, dammit!
** I think there’s correlation here! Everyone I’ve ever heard/read say that sex work isn’t empowering was either well off already or wasn’t able to make much money with sex work anyways. Someone should do a study!!
I have a metal ridged plunger type thing for doing laundry on the wood stove. The problem is that the water is dirty. I live on a shallow muddy river and the river it flows into is full of silt from melting glaciers. No mater how many layers of cloth I filter it through, clothes come out gritty.
The most important thing is water, and I was eager and stupid when I picked my place – I already knew I was immune to giardia, and I’ve been drinking muddy river water my whole life. I didn’t think about laundry or guests’ stomachs. Anyways, I probably couldn’t have afforded a clear mountain stream.
Click clack gorilla posted about drying laundry in her tiny off grid home (it’s a wagon!). She finally discovered the perfect wood stove laundry drying method for those of us with limited space, and it reminded me of these big wire spirals that are above a lot of Alaskan wood stoves.
Do you live off grid or in a tiny home? How do you deal with laundry?
I don’t want to “graduate” from sex work into another job. I don’t want to put myself through school with stripping so that I can live in the “real world.” I tried that and it was stupid. I want to accumulate money and reduce expenses until working is optional and unnecessary. Which is how work should be. This is what I’ve been doing the last few years, and I am very happy about being able to pay all my bills with a couple phone sex calls or a couple hours of escorting a month, or just making a video and uploading it to the internet for people to buy. It makes me sad to see other sex workers working their asses off to support themselves and pay for school so that they can go work their asses off five days a week for the rest of their lives just to be able to afford the lifestyles they started when they were strippers. So, instead of telling everyone they’re doing it wrong, I’m writing this handy dandy guide to
escaping never having to join the rat race.
Most of us will never make this much money or have this much freedom in any other job no matter how much school we go to. I have a vanilla job now working with people I adore and being all fulfilled and stuff, and I do it 4 days a month. It pays great, more than someone with a BA could normally expect, and you know how much that translates to? A month of 8 hour days would be equal to what I just made in six hours spread over three days of in person sex work. “Real” jobs are not an efficient way to make money, and no matter how fulfilling they are I’ve noticed that nothing is fulfilling when you add in schedules, overtime, and office politics.
I’m so glad you asked! I’ve been working on this for a while and I’ve got it all figured out:
First: Make Money
You’re already doing that, eh?
Second: Reduce Expenses
Think about it like this – you should be able to live on $500 or less per month, which is how much you might make at a part time fulfilling job or selling crafts on Etsy. $500 can be a lot of money if you don’t have bills, and since you have money now there are a lot of things you can do to set yourself up for a no bill lifestyle. My bills right now are $60/month, and my whole life costs less than $200/month if I don’t do anything extravagant.
Pay off your debt. Get rid of your mortgage (and never pay rent). I bought land and a cabin with no utilities far away from towns and rules where I can grow and hunt most of your own food. It took less than two years of working one weekend a month to pay it off and be bill free. But there are other ways to get rid of housing expenses, like travelling, work camping, woofing, networking, community building, and creative homelessness.
Now eliminate your other bills. Cancel your netflix and learn to entertain yourself. Cancel the gym membership and do body weight exercises. Cancel your fancy food box from the local farm and grow your own food. Get rid of your utilities.
If you have student loans, did you know about income based repayment? Apply and your bills will be adjusted to your income, and if you pay the adjusted bills for 25 years your student loans go poof, no matter how much is left on them! Check it out and do some math to see if it’s right for you.
Third: Invest in Your Outfit
A lot of eliminating expenses is making big purchases. Your outfit is everything you need to live for almost free. For example, I finally paid for a great new boat motor and now I don’t have to constantly buy/try to fix $500 motors. I invested a grand in a solar system and I’ve never had to run a generator. I got an amazing wood stove and now I only need a quarter of the wood I did before. These are big purchases that aren’t such a big deal now, but they will save me money and effort for the rest of my life.
Fourth: Create Passive Income
There are a lot of things you can do to create a quick and easy $500-2000/month.
1) The easiest (for me), is to make fetish videos to sell on the internet. Make a video, sell it forever. Make another video a month later and people who buy it will get some of your old videos too. Despite not making any videos for three or four months now, I made over $300 in totally passive video sales last month. Here, I made a website about how to do it, because I think we should all be able to retire and just make a video or two a month.
2) Of course there are longer, slower, less naked ways to make passive income on the internet. This guy knows a lot about that.
3) You could save up a lot of money and buy little cabins to rent out. This seems like a pretty good idea to me, but I guess it depends on the markets where you live.
4) Or you could save up a lot of money and invest in the stock market. This seems like the worst idea, since all the money could just go poof. I have done some reading about it and they say how much money you need to save is your yearly expenses x 30. So to live on $500/month you would have to save up $180,000. That seems like a lot of work. But not as much work as going to school for four years to get a degree to work at a real job and be bossed around for another 20 years.
Fifth: Congratulations, You’re Free to Enjoy Your Life!
There has been a miracle of life this holiday season in my little cabin cave in the snowy woods!
When it first got cold I was stuck in town on the wrong side of the unfrozen river. Usually it only takes a couple weeks for the river to freeze, but this year was strangely warm and it took a long time and then a week of forty below before I could get home. When I finally did get home I lit a big fire in my big wood stove in my little cabin and set about thawing things out. You see, the walls and the furniture hold on to the cold much longer than the air, so one good night of sweating it out ensures books that don’t harbor frost and a bed that isn’t icey to climb into.
As night fell I lit the oil lamp and cozied up to it with a book and a cup of tea. This is the good life. Soon I heard a noise and noticed a winged one with one wing frozen into the melting ice on the window. They flapped frantically trying to get unstuck. I shrugged and moved the lamp closer to them, figuring they weren’t long for this world. It wasn’t long before my reading was interrupted by more noises and I looked up to see a moth throwing their self at the light. Luckily the flame has a glass thingy around it, but I didn’t want this moth who had been frozen and come back to life to die in the fire, so I turned the light off and sat staring into the dark.
The moth landed on my shoulder. I decided to name the moth Moth, not that the Moth would give a shit about a name, but I needed something to call them. After a while I became incredibly itchingly curious about whether Moth was still on me, and where, so I turned on my head light. Moth was on my arm, drunk with the cold away from the light. I helped Moth onto a little piece of paper and put them down. In the morning they were still there. Lifeless. Poor Moth.
That night I again built up the fire in the stove (well, just a tiny bit, it was twenty above outside!) and lit the oil lamp, and Moth came back to life!
I looked through all my books and tried to understand dormancy and identify moth. How is it possible for all of Moth’s little cells to freeze into little crystals at forty below and then come to life a week later? What the heck kind of moth is Moth anyways? It turns out Moth is a butterfly. Lymphalidae Polygonia, or a green comma. See how the end of Moth’s antennae are bulb shaped? That’s how you know that Moth is a butterfly and not a moth.
As it cooled down and I turned the lamp way down, Moth looked for a good place to go back to sleep and freeze again. The perfect place turned out to be between the fly swatter and the window. It’s sheltered from falling things, and perhaps spaces like this sometimes hold a tiny bit of heat. Just before I turned the lamp out for the night I was suprised to hear fluttering wings and see Moth joined by another Lymphalidae Polygonia. Moth has a partner! They’re snuggling now behind the fly swatter, sharing body heat maybe.